Over the past week, I have been reading a book call “A Grace Disguised” written by Jerry Sittser. It’s a book that talks about grieve, loss and grace through the author’s perspective. The author lost his mother, wife and daughter in a single accident.
Every Loss Is Painful…And Personal
One of the key things that the author shared was just how every loss in this world is personal in it’s own way. Some losses appear more tragic than others from the outside, but only the people going through them know the real pain of what they are experiencing. Every loss is personal to someone.
You Don’t Recover From Some Losses
It’s nice to think that time could heal all wounds. Growing up, we learn that a bad breakup with a long-time ex would take us some time to get over it. When we flunk our exams, we are disappointed. When we fail to get a job, we try again. We do our best to recover from these things.
However, they’re some losses in life that you simply don’t recover from. For example, while you can recover from a broken limb, you don’t recover from an amputation. We don’t go up to an amputee and wish him or her speedy recovery, because what does recovery really look like for the person?
Over the past years, I had a couple of long-time friends who lost their moms. And I am starting to get a really really small glimpse on just how useless it is to be asking someone to recover from such a loss. Because none of us really know how they feel, or what is it that they are dealing with. We can only be there for them when we know they need us.
Moving On And Living With It
I remember the first hour after Dee & I found our that Nathaniel had left us. We were waiting outside the clinic for the hospital bed to be ready. We had just made the calls to our parents to tell them of the news. We also knew the next few days, weeks and months would be difficult. My mind was all in shock. I remember telling Dee just how excruciating and unbelievably painful this is.
I was scared too. Scared of what’s going to happen. Just then, I knew that our lives were never going to be the same again.
Before Dee went for the delivery of Nathaniel, I asked God to keep her safe. I wanted, maybe even needed, to move on in life with her beside me.
Sometimes, life throw at us shocking and unexpected tragic twists. It could be something that came without reason or warning, like what happened to our baby. It could be the deteriorating health of a loved one due to terminal illness. And having to watch the person struggle with things that we all used to take for granted. It could be a horrible relationship betrayal.
Most of these times, none of these things are our own doing. We did nothing wrong. And we ask ourselves, why is life just so freaking unfair to me? Why can’t I have what other “normal” people?
I don’t have a great answer to that question.
But what I do have is a response. And that respond is to Be Brave. Face up to what life has thrown to you. Do your best to move on to the next chapter of your life not because you need to, but because you want to.
My wife told me this a week after we lost Nathaniel. “Happiness is a choice.” It always has been.