It’s been more than 4 months since we lost Nathaniel. Today, I thought of him out of the blue while I was at the office.
For those of you who know me personally, I write a lot at work. Before N was born, I wrote a lot about how parents can plan the finances for their kids. Since we lost N, I have stop writing those articles – for obvious reasons.
This afternoon, I was writing an article about life’s journey and I covered a portion about starting a family and “expecting the unexpected”. Both of these hit me. It reminded me about the loss that we have experienced.
Dee asked me just a couple of days ago if I still think about N. I told her the truth, and that was, I try not to think about it too much.
I thought about N today while I was in office. I thought about how I wish I could have just spent a little more time with him while he was in Dee’s womb. I wished I talked to him more, especially during the later stage of the pregnancy when he would react to sound.
Seeing Nathan made it all real. It reminded us that life, while fragile, is created by God. It reminded me that even as parents, we are only temporary guardians of our little ones while we (or them) are on this earth. Last but not least, it reminded me that every little being, be it a child, a toddler, a newborn, a stillborn or a miscarriage baby is still a precious child of God, regardless of what society “terms” them.
Dee and I promised one another that if another pregnancy comes in the future, we would treasure the time we have with our baby as much as possible, even while him or her is still in the womb.
I don’t cry much over him these days, except when I am writing or talking about him. But I really miss him so much. And I am sure I speak for Dee as well.