Nathaniel would have been 5 months old today.
It’s hard to believe that we lost Nathaniel just 5 months ago. When it happened, it was sudden, and painful, a grief beyond anything I have ever felt.
Nothing prepares you for the unexpected loss of a baby that you were already anticipating. During week 37 of pregnancy, Dee started having the common Braxton Hicks contractions. We were all waiting for him. Dee was home-based while I had my phone on standby ready to head home when the call came. Nathaniel’s bag was all packed in the car.
And then we lost him, just like that.
The pain amplifies when what was a bundle of joy in our lives turned into a deep loss, all in an instance.
What makes it even harder was knowing the girl I love most was experiencing all these, dealing with pain greater than my own.
I told Dee. I love Nathaniel and I am so upset he is no longer with us. What makes the pain even harder is knowing that it’s not just my loss, but hers as well. When I see her sad, it makes the pain worse.
To Dee, always remember, there was a time when it was the three of us. Me, you, and baby Nate. It wasn’t as long as we wished, but that doesn’t make it any less real. We had our moments, and we will keep it in our hearts.
In God’s own purpose, he allowed our family of three to become two. Nate was the odd man (or baby) out. So that leaves us with one another. And I will treasure the moments, the good and the bad, for as long as we live.
We will never know why it had to be our Nathan. It’s a question that we will not get an answer to, at least not on this side of the world.
I am sorry for your (our) loss. I know it’s tough, and still is. But I promise you, I will walk with you through this, no matter how long it takes. I will journey with you till the day we can look at babies, think of little Nathan, and smile at the perfect memories we have of him.