Learning To Appreciate Life All Over Again

Learning To Appreciate Life All Over Again

Both Tim and I can’t be any happier with the recent news!

It feels different to be pregnant again. A mixture of feelings- happy but fearful at the same time. I would like to document our entire pregnancy journey to encourage mummies to continue to overcome pregnancy after loss. Hang in there, mummies!

Week 7 (2nd Sep’16)

To give this new pregnancy journey a pleasant start, we decided to change our gynea this time around. There’s nothing wrong with the previous gynea but the change in environment helps get away those negative memories.

We went to the clinic a week after I found out I am pregnant. Pardon the ‘kancheong’ spirit here, the gynea could only spot the little seed (Nathan’s sibling) and to confirm the pregnancy.

(2 weeks passed)

This week, we went to the clinic for the second time. It is supposed to be an important scan- heartbeat has to be formed by now. It was too early for gynea to detect the little sibling during the previous visit. I’ve never felt so nervous with the scans- it has always been smooth sailing during little N’s time.

At first, it took a while for gynea to spot the little sibling. We saw the sac and he was searching for the little sibling. I held my breath for that few short minutes, praying hard at the back of my mind- “God, please let Nathan’s sibling grow well and stay healthy.”

And within a few minutes, he found the sibling! Gynea turned on the audio to let us hear that awesome heartbeat! We haven’t felt so happy for a long long time!

I know it’s gonna be a long pregnancy journey- living each day so cautiously like walking on broken glasses or if you prefer the biblical way of saying “walking on water with faith”.

I’m very thankful to have the constant support from Tim, my mom, close friends and new friends I’ve met at the pregnancy loss group. Most importantly, I know that God is looking out for us no matter what happens. I thank God for giving us this light of hope. Though we will never know the outcome- the only way to overcome the evil fear is to keep reminding ourselves that God is in control of everything.

To Tim:

Thanks for being the sturdy tree for the family. We’ve been through tough times but let’s not forget the good times. Let’s fight the fear and enjoy the journey with little sibling. Whatever happens, at least we know that sibling has a brother in heaven who will be there to look out for him. I’ll complain lesser and start learning to appreciate pregnancy life all over again.

To little sibling:

You are our rainbow of hope and God’s blessed child. Stay strong and healthy- always remember that God loves us no matter what.

P/S Your amazing heartbeat tells me how much you yearn to fight together with daddy and mummy. Be brave and keep fighting!



A confinement that’s different from others

A confinement that’s different from others

The toughest moment has passed and I’m truly thankful for having wonderful people around us. And it’s also through God’s everlasting love that has been shielding us as we grieve over the loss of our little Nathaniel.

Doing confinement wasn’t easy for both Tim and I. The initial excitement about taking turns to look after the baby and Tim volunteering to be my confinement ‘nanny’- it just didn’t feel so fun now.

While every other mothers are happily getting busy with breastfeeding their newborns during confinement period and parents coming over to make confinement food, mine was a terribly lonely one.

With no baby to look after, the confinement was just solely focusing on my physical recovery. No baby cries, no midnight feeding either.

It was truly the toughest moment we’ve ever had. So much for having everything all planned for Nathaniel’s arrival. I remembered those sleepless nights (while Tim on the other hand suffered from some mental exhaustion). Thankfully after sharing my insomnia issue with our close friends, they suggested a few good christian books to read before bed time. It helps. Dabbing a few drops of lavender aroma oil on my pillow helps too.

P/S Drop us a message if you need some book recommendations. 

The mental recovery wouldn’t be smooth without the honest sharing with one another too. It help us understand each other better and knowing what’s going through our mind whenever we think about the loss our little boy.

I am truly grateful for having Tim around with me through this difficult time.

To Tim, thank you for nursing me so well when I was at my weakest. I wouldn’t be able to go through all these alone without having you beside me. Thank you for staying awake through my sleepless nights and making sure that I share all my thoughts with you. Truly, I have never once regretted bearing Nathaniel, our son. It has been a wonderful journey for us three in the past 10 months. Though it was short, but it is a meaningful one. Lets continue to create more wonderful memories together. Love you always.

To moms who are going through the same phase of life as us, you are not alone in this. Join our private Facebook Group to share and give support to one another. Your invaluable sharing may help others in overcoming their loss as well.