Mother’s Day this year took on a slightly different meaning for us.

Personally, I have never really been a fan of all these celebratory days (i.e. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day). The reason is simple, I don’t think we need a special day to celebrate with our loved ones. This is of course, a personal opinion.

Why You Become A Mom The Day Your Child Conceive

Dee carried little N for a total of 39 weeks in her womb. Having went through this 39 weeks with them, it is difficult not to accept the fact that a woman becomes a mom the day her baby was conceived.

The growth of little N through all these months, the caring of the body for the two of them during the period, the expansion of the tummy, putting on 7-8 kg during pregnancy, outgrowing all your clothes, developing the stretch marks and rashes. You can’t deny it even if you want to. Pregnancy takes a toll on the body.

But beneath the physical toll hides what this actually is – A bond. A bond between mom & child. N lived his (short) life in Dee’s body. And while we didn’t get to witness him breathing or crying through our own eyes, it doesn’t take away the fact that he lived his life with us for that period in our lives, and that he was loved and cared for. And yes, we still love and remember him today.

Because of what happened, I don’t like the term “expecting mom”. It gives the impression that a pregnant lady is not yet a mother, and that the baby in her womb is somehow…not yet her child, which of course, is not true. We can stick to the term, pregnant woman. Not the coolest term ever but much more accurate in my opinion.

I still remember the days during the latter part of the pregnancy when little N kicks could be felt. The two of us would get up in the morning and I will ask Dee if little N has woke up. The answer would usually be a “yes”, since I pretty much slept through the night, while little N would be giving those random kicks to mommy during the night and disrupting her sleep.

For that period of 9+ months, little N was with mommy wherever she went. He went to the office with her, was with her during all her meals, was with us when we went to watch Star Wars: The Force Awakens, when we watched the San Antonio Spurs with Tim Duncan playing in the NBA (we got him a father-son jersey). He was with us when we went to church. We even joked about how he was trying to get the attention of the pastors whenever they asked “who is joining us for the first time today” during service. He had a habit of sleeping through the sermon though…

He was with us in this end-of-year photo we took at a church event. TIM & DEE & NATE

That pair of suspender I am wearing was bought for our wedding. I still have it. 

The day we finally saw little N was also the day we said our goodbyes to him. My eyes welled with tears whenever I think about the day we found out he has left us, and the people we had to break the news to, particularly our parents (Nathaniel’s grandparents). People advised us not to worry about others, but it pains us knowing how heartbroken our parents were, and maybe, still am. They are afterall still our parents, we feel for them.

Happy Mother’s Day To Dee

We woke up in Seoul today, about 5,000km away from Singapore. It’s a trip that we booked after losing N. I woke up and said “Happy Mother’s Day” to Dee. I said it because I think Mother’s Day shouldn’t just be celebrated by those who currently have children, but also for all the moms who have went through the journey of motherhood – the joy and the pain.

Dee

Just 3 months after having been through a 9 months pregnancy, and having gone through what she had went through, this amazing girl hiked up with me a 1900m mountain in Jeju which took us about 9 hours in total (19.2km). Those are clouds in the background. 

Dear D, thanks for being such an awesome mom to our little boy.

PS: To both our moms in Singapore, Happy Mother’s Day! We love you 🙂

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